Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize