you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
