My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
