hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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