Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
