I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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