Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Every concussion has its silver lining
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
