i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
