Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
