It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
