God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I had to cum in my sink.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
