I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
