its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
