Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
