She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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