I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
