the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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