i don't like sucking hair
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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