My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
