Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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