The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dignity is for republicans.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
