My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
