Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
