so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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