You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
