Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
