my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
