i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize