I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
