i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
