i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I need a hoe opinion
go on
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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