In America we eat man semen.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
