I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
