I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize