in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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