At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
