it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize