I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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