Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize