I should be sponsored by Trojan
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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