Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
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He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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