if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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