CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
