it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I look better un-naked...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
