there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
