his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
