I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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