Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
