Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
