I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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