You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
