He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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