Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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