You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
