it wasn't lemon gatorade
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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