How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
