That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
