My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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