well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
