Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
