physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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