i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
