I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
