my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
