Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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