I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
