i will never coherently bang her
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
