You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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