You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
