Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I see more hoeing in ur future
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize