I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
