Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
